i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont even know how to be here
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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