So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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