Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
