I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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