I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
