We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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