My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
