Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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