What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
