just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
