I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
