i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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