Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
