If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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