My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
