my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
