Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
