It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She even gives head with a lisp.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
