i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
