Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
