remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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