I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
