You kept calling me your small dog last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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