I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
