O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
