So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
