I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
