Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
