The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
