I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
