he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
