why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
