I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
