Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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