He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
