youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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