walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
