so explain again why im purple
no
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
