Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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