Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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