she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
A+ Viking dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
