There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
