Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I will die if light touches me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
