i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
