this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you never un-have a 4some
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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