Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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