Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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