just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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