I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
