he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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