You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
